Heather (guitariot) wrote,
Heather
guitariot

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monogamy?

cristina and kendra are asleep on the bed behind me. no one seems to sleep alone anymore. something about spring makes the whole world feel the need to pair off. i was bitter and tortured and angsty for a while, but i just don't care anymore. relationships don't make sense to me. i think the turning point was really the party on saturday night. justin, sammia, and i had a long talk about monogamy vs. open relationships. monogamous relationships had been pissing me off for the past few weeks, mostly because i was the homewrecking "other girl." but the more i talked about it with jaime over the past few weeks, the more i started to understand the whole idea of an open relationship. it was not too long ago that i just wanted to fall in love again for the first time. i have really only been in love once, and it was with the first girl i ever dated. i began to remember how much being in a monogamous long-distance relationship sucked. then i realized that being in a monogamous relationship that wasn't long distance sucked too. it all just led to co-dependancy with me. i think that no matter how much two people are in love, it seems weird that one should be forced to repress any attraction or feelings for anyone else.
that's how the whole jc and jaime drama began. jaime and i had a long discussion about it tonight, and i realized i just don't care anymore, as long as she doesn't sit me down tomorrow and say her and jc want to be monogomous again, because i know she'd be lying. the issue that always arises is jealousy. but none of us care anymore, and besides there's only three weeks left in the semester, and who knows what will happen from there. so i have spring fever again, and jon and i gave each other incredible self-esteem this weekend. i feel like checking out the entire world.
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memory can be like a film that u can edit and manipulate :P argh~ heather i'm in dire need of a cigarette :P